My Own Version Of Paradise Lost!
by Ftlouie24hollis
Summary: This story will continue after the first chapter Kate Brian published. Will Reed and Josh get back together? What will happen to Ivy? Join the Billings Girls as they head to St. Bart's to have fun during their winter break.
1. Home

**So there it was. Goodbye. I was going to be strong. I was not going**

**to pine and whine and wish. I was going to be good. For me, for Josh,**

**and for Ivy. That was my promise to myself.**

***after chapter 1**

Josh……I have always loved him. I always had and always will. But I can't let this feeling ruin everything in me. I promised that to myself I promised to be good for me, Ivy and Josh. I know it sounds impossible, but it's all that I can do now. Ivy needs Josh, I know it. But why do I feel like I have just been slapped in the face?

When I was across the hallway, I stole another look at where Josh was standing before. He was gone. He was probably with Ivy at her room, holding her seemingly lifeless hand. The thought made me feel sick inside and before I knew it tears began to run down my face again.

As soon as I reached the waiting room, Noelle pulled me and gave me a tight hug. It is the tightest hug she ever gave me since we met and it made me happy. "Are you okay?" those were the first words that came out of her mouth. The sincerity in her voice made me very happy that were finally best friends again. "Yeah, I guess" I told her. She sensed that I was lying and she decided to change the subject. "Everyone's here, let's go to them" she said.

What she said was true. Almost all people from the pre-party she and Amberly organized for Kiran's birthday bash were there. All Billings Girls were there with pure concern present in their eyes. Even Missy looked concerned but of course with the exemption of Amberly. "Why do you all looked concerned about her, its not like she was the one who got shot." Amberly said. What she said was true. Noelle shot her a frightening look. "Amberly, we're not asking your opinion so why don't you just shut up?" Noelle shot back. This made Amberly bend her head down and it made her cheeks burn with embarrasment and she shut up. I missed Noelle so much especially when she saved me from people like Amberly. She was always my savior, besides Josh.

But what she said still didn't make me feel better. Amberly was right, I was the one Sabine attempted to kill but because Josh pushed me Ivy was the one who got shot. The thought of Sabine made me remember the last semester. All those times I thought she was my best friend she had tries to kill me.

Noelle took me out of my trail of thought when she finally broke the uncomfortable silence, "Reed, we just decided, your back at Billings!" Noelle said with a huge smile on her face.

I looked at everyone and they all flashed me the same smile Noelle gave me. Yes, this is what I needed. After all the things that has happened to me. I deserve to be happy. I wish I could share this happiness with Josh. Although not all things may turn out well, at least some things go on my way. Maybe things wouldn't be bad after all. I never thought I was capable of being treated like this. I guess I'm wrong. My love for Josh can wait, but not forever. I will fight for him without hurting anyone especially Ivy. What's important is that I have my friends back and we will have a fantastic winter break. But what I need to do now is go with my friends to a place that I can call home.

**Please review! !ell me what you thought about this sentimental chapter 1! I made this chapter short but I promise to give you more! I'm new in this but I really love the private series and this story is how I want it to turn out. **


	2. Complicated

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My love for Josh can wait, but not forever. I will fight for him without hurting anyone especially Ivy. What's important is that I have my friends back and we will have a fantastic winter break. But what I need to do now is go with my friends to a place that I can call home.

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Or NOT. 8 hours after Sabine's attempt to kill me, we arrived at Easton. As soon as we entered the gates we noticed a LOT of flashing lights.

Police cars can be seen everywhere and the Crom was talking to reporters. They were all gathered outside the Hell Hall where all the school

administrators were also gathered.

"Oh, crap" Noelle said as soon as we entered Easton. All the students were gathered outside Billings as if waiting for us to come out. But when

they saw us, they suddenly whispered to each other probably about the incident last night. They all stared at me particularly. I can feel their

hot stares as we went to Billings.

I could feel my heart lurch inside me when Noelle said, "Don't mind them, their just being assholes. They don't have anything to do but whisper

to each other about us because their own life is so boring." that almost made me chuckle. God, I did really miss Noelle. She may be bad

sometimes but she always made me feel better. I would not know what to do if she wasn't by my side.

As soon as I entered Billings, I felt extremely at home. I suddenly felt tired and exhausted and wanted to go straight to bed. After all that

happened, my almost-death experience, my goodbye-for-now talk with Josh, and my happiness of being back to Billings, I deserve a nice, long

and peaceful sleep.

"Noelle, so where will Reed stay Reed stay tonight? There's no more room available. Sabine's room is locked up for investigation. Even Amberly

has no room to stay." Constance said after a while of silence. "Of course she can stay with me. Besides, I have a single; I can share it with her.

But for the others….." she stared at Amberly with a grin on her face "I have no idea where they can stay. But I think there is still one vacant

room in Bradwell.." Everyone else in the room stared at Amberly. Besides me, everyone has a smile on their face when they looked at her.

It is as if they never wanted her in Billings in the first place. I almost pitied Amberly for Noelle's behavior. Well, almost. After all she'd done to

me, you would think I should have laughed at her face when Noelle said that. But no, she looked sa done and crushed. She was about to cry

but she thought better of it and said,

"Well, Noelle, I was about to tell you something this morning. I was thinking of going back to Bradwell because I miss my friends there and I

think I'm too young for Billings. Maybe I'll just go back here on my Junior Year." Well, THAT almost made me laugh. As if she would trade being in

the best dorm in the campus just to be with her friends. She just said that to retain dignity.

But what Constance said had caught me off guard. Sabine's room was also my room before. Why did they lock it for investigation? What would

they find there? That was also the room where she put all those stuffs just for me to blame myself for Cheyenne's death. I just can't forget all

the things she did just to hurt me. My eyes were filling with tears again when Noelle noticed and said "Reed, it's almost Christmas, just forget

all about the things that have happened and move on. " When did Noelle ever care about Christmas? Then she faced all the other Billings Girls

and said "Girls, even before the incident last night, I have planned a vacation for us. We would all go to St. Bart's this winter and have fun. I

think that that is more necessary now because of all the trauma we experienced for the past weeks."

I stared at Noelle. After all that happened, she expects me to have a vacation and everything will be alright? But maybe she's right. We're just

teens and we can't let all these problems crush ourselves and not have fun. This was my chance to finally let go of all that has happened.

Noelle continued, "You could all bring one friend from Easton for us to have more fun." the girls agreed happily in unison. "And because the

doctor said that Ivy will heal in days' time, I will also invite Ivy and Josh to thank them for saving Reed." I almost protested but I knew better.

That wouldn't be so bad.

Even though I am still extremely in love with Josh and I am now friends with Ivy. I still need to thank them for saving my life. Even if it means I

need to see them together all the time. And I promised myself I would fight for Josh. Our trip to St. Bart's may be my chance of getting him

back. And I also promised that I would do that without hurting Ivy's feelings. Was that even possible? Why is my life always so complicated?

"Reed, would that be okay to you?" Noelle told me hopefully. "Of course, that would be great." I smiled half- heartedly. "Great. You could bring

one friend outside Billings. So who would you bring to St. Bart's?"

**Thanks for the reviews!!! I really would like to know what you think of my version of Paradise lost!! I love JOSHREED and I really want them together. What do you think? Please review more!! :) ~Ftlouie24hollis~**


	3. Hollis Replacement

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"**Reed, would that be okay to you?" Noelle told me hopefully. "Of course, that would be great." I smiled half- heartedly. "Great. You could bring one friend outside ****Billings. So who would you bring to St. Bart's?"**

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I woke up with the sound of Noelle banging open the door. I glanced at the expensive clock on Noelle's desk and it's already five in the

afternoon. I slept for 11 straight hours! All the police cars are gone and Easton seemed to be it's old self again. "Reed! I just got a call from

Josh. He said that Ivy is awake and she wants too see us especially you!" Noelle said happily. After she said that, one question kept repeating

on my mind.

_Ivy wants to see ME? Ivy wants to see ME? Ivy wants to see me? _After all that had happened, you would expect Ivy to slap me, pull my hair, and

hurt me in any way possible. That is because of the fact that she got shot because of me and also because I tried to steal her boyfriend by giving him a gift that

would make him remember me. And now she wants to see ME?! Or maybe she wants to see me now because she can't wait to blame me for

what had happened. Oh, God, I can't wait for that to happen.

Noelle was waiting for my response on the great news she gave me. "Really? That's great. So when will we go there?" those were the first

things that came out of my mouth. "Well, were all ready. You're the only one were waiting for." I didn't let her see my shock and panic so I replied "Oh okay. I'll be

ready in an hour." "It's okay. You can take your time. While were waiting for you we will go to the Crom's office to get us and the people we will

invite passes for our trip to St. Bart's." I told her that I would finish as fast as possible so that they wouldn't have to wait. She said okay and

left.

When I was alone getting ready, I couldn't stop the tears falling down my face. I'm going to see Ivy later. I'm going to see Josh holding her

hand and I'm going to see Josh's happy eyes looking at her. The thought made my stomach lurch as it always does when I think of Josh and Ivy

together. Maybe I should just let them happy and be together. But that would also mean that I am giving up my love for Josh. That is so

untrue. I made up my mind. I would not give up on Josh. I would get him back . Whatever it takes. But still with the exemption of hurting Ivy.

I've done her so much harm now. I can't afford to hurt her some more. That is my new promise to myself which I will keep on repeating and

repeating until I had fulfilled it.

As soon as I finished dressing up, I went outside Billings to look for the girls. They were nowhere to be seen so I assumed that they were still

at the Crom's office working for our passes. While I was waiting for them, I saw a familiar person running towards me. "Reed! Thank God your

okay. I heard about what happened last night. Are you all right?" It was Marc. The guy who supported me despite of all the rumors that went

around about me. He was one of the few people who remained as a loyal friend. "I'm okay. Thanks." Just then, something occurred to me.

"Marc, would you like to come with me to St. Bart's for winter break? " I could see the shock and confusion in his eyes so I explained further. "I

mean, not just you and me but all the Billings Girls and one of their friends each. Noelle told us we could bring one, so would you like to go with

US? " The shock and confusion in his eyes were suddenly replaced with relief and happiness. "Well, of course! I would be glad to! That would

be my first time to go to a place like that. Considering the fact that I'm a scholarship student like you who came from a normal family unlike all

the other people here." Marc replied happily. I wasn't shocked to here that. I'm also a scholarship student and I know how it feels to be

surrounded by all these rich people. St. Bart's is totally not a place normal people go so this will also be my first time there. "Thanks. I would

really like you to be there. It's like my thank-you gift for your support despite of all that had happened." I told him. Great. So this trip will now

be Reed's-thank-you-for-all-the-people-who-supported-her-trip. "That's not a problem Reed. Besides, I never really believed any of the things

they said about you." Marc replied. He suddenly glanced at his clock and said that he already needed to go.

When he left, Noelle and the other girls approached me. "Looks like you already have someone to replace Hollis in your life. " Noelle said with a

grim smile in her face as the other girls also teased me. "Of course not. Marc and I are just friends!" I replied shouting. "Well, if you say so. We

successfully got all the passes needed after all the begging we did to the Crom. I think your also ready and it's getting late so let's go now to

visit Ivy." Noelle told me. This is it. The moment of truth.

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**What do you think about this chapter? I still want to deny her confrontation with Ivy and Josh to have more excitement!! Thanks for the reviews! Please review more. I might not be able to continue this anymore without your support!! Please review!!**


	4. Luck

"**Of course not,**** Marc and I are just friends!" I replied shouting. "Well, if you say so. We successfully got all the passes needed after all **

**the begging we did to the Crom. I think your also ready and it's getting late so let's go now to visit Ivy." Noelle told me. This is it. The **

**moment of truth.**

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As I walked again at the hallway of Edward Billings Memorial Hospital, I felt the tingling sensation I felt the first time I was here. It seemed a

long time ago but it was only yesterday. When I was looking at the sterile walls of the hospital, I could almost imagine Ivy behind one of those

walls cursing and waiting for me to walk to her and hurt me in any way possible. In no way will I be able to accept that. But it's my faith. I'm

always destined to be the one who's blamed for everything, the one who is always the reason for all the wrong things that happen. I should

be used to that by now. I can't help but regret coming here at Easton in the first place. It seemed that my first step in Easton also means the

spread of bad luck there.

As we approached room 4007, I was resisting the feeling of turning back. In no way will I be able to stop my tears from falling at the sight of

Josh and Ivy together. The thought itself made me want to curl and cry all day. But this is it. We're in front of the door now, in front of the door

that will determine my faith.

"Reed, are you okay? You look so pale." Noelle asked me with concern. "I'm fine," I flashed her a weak smile. "Oh, okay." she told me then

faced the girls. "Girls let's go in now, but be sure to hide your excitement and I'll be the one to invite them to St. Bart's. Okay?" Noelle told them

firmly. "Okay." the girls said in unison. That's what these girls are excited about? As if I don't have other things to worry about.

Noelle twisted the knob and she stepped tentatively inside. She signaled for us to come in and the other girls did. As soon as their all inside the

room, I walked slowly inside. When Josh heard me step in, his head shot up. His eyes were full of happiness. This, of course, was not because

of seeing me but because of Ivy's recovery.

Ivy noticed Josh look up so she looked at the same direction he did. As soon as her eyes met mine, her eyes were suddenly filled with joy. "Hi

Reed! Thank God you're okay!" she sang cheerfully. She doesn't sound like she wants to strangle me or pull my hair to death. "Oh. Hi Ivy," I

replied cautiously. She noticed my shock and confusion so she asked, "What's wrong, Reed? Is everything okay?" I was surprised by her

response.

Before I knew it, the things I have in my mind started to spill. "You don't want to punch me now?" I told her looking like an idiot. "Um, no?" she

replied, confused. "You don't want to strangle me and pull my hair to death?" my mouth suddenly moved by itself. It is as if it is saying

everything I have in my mind without me willing it. "Of course not. Why are you asking those weird questions Reed?" Ivy said with a chuckle.

Even all the girls and Josh started to laugh. Okay. So all this time, I thought this will be the worst time of my life and now it became a funny

scene? It seems like my life is getting weirder each day. "Um, Ivy because you almost died because of me." the tension in the room suddenly

returned. "Reed, none of it was your fault. It was all because of that bitch, Sabine and her psycho sister Ariana." Ivy told me as a matter-of-

factly.

Even Josh came into her aid, "She's right, Reed. Nobody but that Sabine is supposed to be blamed for all of this. You're just a victim like Ivy."

Josh said cautiously as if thinking very hard for the right words to say. The thought of Josh talking with pure concern present in his voice made

my heart swell with pride. But maybe it's just my wild imagination that's making me think he's concerned with me. After all, his present

girlfriend, Ivy was in the hospital right now because he tried to save ME, his ex-girlfriend. I know it sounds ironic but it's nothing but the

truth.

Tears were filling my eyes but I thought better of it. I would not let Ivy and Josh see me weak. I promised to be strong for the three of

us. "So Ivy, the doctor told us yesterday that you will heal in days' time. Since were all heading to St. Bart's for winter break, why don't you join

us? And since were all inviting one friend each, you can even have Hollis come along with you." Noelle suddenly broke the tension but I can still

see Josh staring at me. "Oh, sure! I would be glad to! Josh, you would come along, right? Please?" Ivy said facing Josh with a smile. "But…Ivy…

but…What about our trip to Paris?" Josh stammered in response. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Even before the pre-party, my dad already canceled

the trip because he had an emergency appointment on the week of our trip. I asked him if he can reschedule it but he said he can't." Ivy told

him. Josh hesitated for a moment then replied, "Oh, okay. Sure! I'd be happy to join you!" He told that while looking at me straight in the

eye with fake enthusiasm present in his voice. "Great. Now we all have someone with us! Even Reed invited one." Noelle said, suddenly facing

me. "You did invite that Dreck Boy, right?" Noelle continued. "Marc?! You invited Marc?! Is that what you told him a while ago? That's great

Reed!" Constance said excitedly. "Um, yeah. I invited him. He's been a good friend to me ever since." I replied, uninterested with their sudden

excitement. Now THAT made Josh stare even more at me. I wonder why. His stare is making me melt inside. I can't wait for winter break now.

Going to St. Bart's with the Billing's girls and their friends? Including Ivy and most especially Josh? This is going to be fun.

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What do you think? Did I make Ivy and Reed's conversation good? I didn't want them to look like best friends but I want them to be

**comfortable with each other. I also want Josh's feelings for Reed to be hidden for excitement!!!! Please review!!! I want to know what **

**you think!Review!!**


	5. Always

**"Um, yeah. I invited him. He's been a good friend to me ever since." I replied, uninterested with their sudden ****excitement. Now THAT **

**made Josh stare even more at me. I wonder why. His stare is making me melt inside. I can't wait for winter break ****now.**

**Going to St. Bart's with the Billing's girls and their friends? Including Ivy and most especially Josh? This is going to be fun.**

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As I woke up exactly a week after Sabine's attempt to kill me, I realized that this is also the day we will all go to St. Bart's. All of us had

beatified ourselves for the past week. We went shopping almost everyday since it's almost winter break and the Crom knows that we got into

all sorts of trouble so he let us. A week has passed and we still haven't heard from Ivy or Josh since the last time we visited her and told them

that they can come with us. As I thought about them, as usual, I felt the tingling sensation inside my chest. _What had they done for the past _

_week?_ I felt extremely curious about what they've done since. I heard that Ivy had been admitted out of the hospital the other day but they

didn't even bother to call or visit us here at Billings. I guess she doesn't have time to do that since she and Josh are always having their

intimate moments at Pemberly. The thought made me want to throw up and slap her face. But, of course, I wouldn't do that. After all she has

done for me; I have no right to do that. And when I do that, Josh will also be hurt because he _loves _her so much. So much that he already

forgot about me and didn't even bother to call or ask if I was okay after everything that had happened. I know that we're already over. Well,

for him we are. But I still expected some care from him since our confrontation at the hospital a week ago. I guess it's just my wishful thinking

that made me think he still loves me. Only in my dreams would that happen. I guess that doesn't matter now that he's with Ivy.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud bang on the door. Of course, it was Noelle. "Reed! Get you big butt off the bed and get ready! We're

leaving in an hour!" Noelle shouted at me. "An hour?! Is everybody already there? Are they all ready?" I asked her, surprised. What time is it by

the way? "Well, almost. All the girls and their friends are ready. Even your Mr. Dreck boy is here already. But we're still waiting for Ivy and Josh.

Maybe Josh is with Ivy at Pemberly and they're getting ready." Noelle replied with a knowing twinkle in her eye. "Oh, okay. I'll be down in an

hour." I replied her resisting the urge to cry._ Ivy and Josh are not yet here. They're not yet here. Will they come? What are they doing right now? _

Those were the first words that came to my mind. I also noticed that this always happen to me. Noelle always knocks on the door and tells me

that I should get up and be ready in an hour. Am I having a major sleep disorder lately? Or this thing just related to the fact that bad things

_always_ happen to me?

An hour has passed and I'm ready. I'm just rechecking my luggage that I packed 3 days ago to see if I forgot something. As I went down the

long stairs of Billings I noticed that they're not yet completely ready to leave. They're designer bags that cost ten times more than mine are still

disorganized on the floor and not yet loaded to the limos waiting outside. Marc noticed me and flashed me a huge smile. "Hi Reed! Thanks for

inviting me, again." Marc told me enthusiastically. "No problem. "I told him halfway across the stairs and I flashed him the same smile he gave

me. "Oh, hey Glasslicker! Since your here already let's start loading our bags in the limo. We don't even have to hurry because we're still

waiting for the "lovers." Let's give them another 15 minutes. If they don't come after 15 minutes then we'll leave them already." Noelle said

staring at me with a load laugh. What's wrong with her? It's like she went back to her bitchy side again. But maybe she just said that to make

the mood happier and at ease. So I just changed the topic. "Noelle, for how long will we stay at St. Bart's? Maybe Ivy will need some rest after

what happened. And that will apply if she and Hollis will ever come on time." I told her with a fake chuckle. I even adopted the way she calls

Josh to show her that I totally moved on. Not.

We loaded our luggage at the trunk of the limos. Marc is talking to me right now while we're waiting for our turn to enter the limo. Of course

we'll be sitting with Noelle. Fifteen minutes has passed but Josh and Ivy are not yet here. Maybe they won't come after all. "Okay. Times up!

Hollis and Ivy are not yet here so its time to leave." Noelle said. As we were all entering our respective limos, we heard someone shout. "Wait!

Sorry we're so late!" Ivy shouted three paces away. Josh is with her looking as handsome as ever. His curls are dancing around his adorable

face. His cheeks were red because of all the running they've done not to be left behind. He is even carrying their entire luggage. Although it's

not that many, it just means that he doesn't want Ivy to carry anything because he loves her so much.

"Finally. You two came. I thought you weren't going because you would just want a winter break together without all of us." Noelle told them

with a wink. While Noelle was saying that, I noticed that Josh was staring at me and Marc. His eyes were the same ones when he stared at me

last time we met. It is full of something I can't explain. Maybe full of love? I guess not. Or maybe full of disgust that he hoped that with that

stare I would melt in the ground and never appear again? I guess that is the best explanation I can think of. But why is he also staring at

Marc? That is something I need to figure out.

Everyone was already in the limo except me, Marc, Noelle, and of course Ivy and Josh. "Come here quickly! Load your bags on the trunk! It's

already late. We need to get there immediately because I have a surprise for Reed." Noelle looked at me and gave me a hopeful smile. I

wonder what that surprise will be. "And guys….." she said looking at Josh and Ivy. "….since there's no more space in the other limos, I guess

you can just ride in ours since we're only five in here." she continued. "That would be great!" Ivy replied and grabbed Josh to go inside the

limo. And with the extreme bad luck I have, I somehow ended up smashed in between Marc and Josh. I didn't even let this happen for a

reason. Why would I ever do that? That would literally end my life. We are even so smashed together because all the bags didn't fit the trunk

so some should be inside the car. I can barely breathe in here. And that is because of the tiny space and the fact that I am so smashed beside

Josh. Bad luck always comes after me. I really think that this would be a _very_ long ride.

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**I hope you liked it! I made this chapter a little longer for you to enjoy! Please review!! I really Reed and Josh! I want them to be totally**

**together!! What do you think about this chapter? Please review!!~Ftlouie24hollis~**


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